I Will Not Give In

I will not give in. I need to say that to myself over and over. I need to remember to access the strength that I've been given.

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New lives have entered my world and others have passed on, new friendships gained and others lost. The last few years have been some of the most difficult years but of course I wouldn't change anything. I cherish those moments that I was stretched so thin I could see inside. Pressing times reveal the most hidden and protected, that which needs to be removed, refined or sharpened. I know that though I have made mistakes, though there are parts of me I did not like, things I wish I had not done or should have done ... I stand here today a better person than I was yesterday. I look back not with regret, but having gained in wisdom and been prepared to move forward in all I've learned. I will not give up I will not give in and this coming year I proclaim, will be better than the last. I will say that ever year.

A friend of mine once told me that if you are going to build a skyscraper, that the foundation must be deep. The higher the building the deeper the basement. It must be flexible to sway in the winds of everyday, but strong enough withstand the most dangerous storms [which of course come unexpectedly]. Not just in my life, but of my family's ... God has seen us through the digging of the necessary, the filtering of the garbage and the foundation has been laid. I will be bold enough to say that I expect God to heighten us, to construct us and to begin the erecting of a building that will never be brought down in this life or the next.

In the past my boldness, my mouth and my attitude got me into much trouble. Those very things are now the strengths which speak into my future victory and success. To God be the glory, He that was, is and is to come; the Way, the Truth and the Life, the Beginning and the End. One day every knee will bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord and I choose to say it now. I choose while I still have the choice. I choose to believe when I cannot see. I choose to love Him because He first loved me.

Someday, there will be people who will believe because this life will be over and there will be nothing left unrevealed. That which lies in the unseen realms will be unveiled. His power, His Majesty and His presence will be undeniable and I sense there will be deep and painful remorse for many. I pray for everyone I know to think about this world, why you are here, what your purpose is, the dreams in your heart and what God’s will is for your life. I cannot imagine going through life, just existing and trying to get through it on my own. John 16:33 Jesus says, “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

If we choose and Christ lives in us, we have too overcome the world.

I’m speaking in faith over my family that of llove, generosity, prosperity, health, joy and victory over all plots of destruction that we may face.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope…”

I pray the same for all of you reading this.

intimately acquainted

i wrestle with certain notions on occasion.

i trust.

i love.

i cry deeply for righteousness sake.

however, on occasion doubt emerges. i find myself laying on the couch cradled in suspision.

at first i bark of all the contradictions.

my body tense.

my anger bursting forth.

but as i grow silent, peace overwhelms me. i will not share my insecurities, doubts planted at my demise but to say i learned something tonight.

there are many" if's" in the bible that in order to acquire we must fulfill the "then's".

the first few words of the first line of psalm 91 says so much that life or death can hang in the balance.

Those who LIVE, or in another translation DWELLS...in the presence or shelter of the Most High... the following is for them.

The original language associates this as if one was married; as to say: for those of you so very intimately acquainted with the Most High God, that most every decision that is made goes by Him, that every plan is submitted and asked of His opinion...His will, that my desire is to serve Him, to help Him, to please Him, to be ever so close to Him... only you will this belong to.

Not everyone has a healthy marriage. But in order to have what is on the table here... our "marriage" to God is absolutely essential. Not to be taken lightly, for a small decision that leads us outside of God's shelter could bring devestating results in the physical or the spiritual.

Let us not take for granted what God so freely offers and pursue the most important part of life... and that is an intimate relationship with Jesus Christ.


Psalm 91

1 Those who live in the shelter of the Most High
will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 This I declare about the Lord:
He alone is my refuge, my place of safety;
he is my God, and I trust him.
3 For he will rescue you from every trap
and protect you from deadly disease.
4 He will cover you with his feathers.
He will shelter you with his wings.
His faithful promises are your armor and protection.
5 Do not be afraid of the terrors of the night,
nor the arrow that flies in the day.
6 Do not dread the disease that stalks in darkness,
nor the disaster that strikes at midday.
7 Though a thousand fall at your side,
though ten thousand are dying around you,
these evils will not touch you.
8 Just open your eyes,
and see how the wicked are punished.
9 If you make the Lord your refuge,
if you make the Most High your shelter,
10 no evil will conquer you;
no plague will come near your home.
11 For he will order his angels
to protect you wherever you go.
12 They will hold you up with their hands
so you won’t even hurt your foot on a stone.
13 You will trample upon lions and cobras;
you will crush fierce lions and serpents under your feet!
14 The Lord says, “I will rescue those who love me.
I will protect those who trust in my name.
15 When they call on me, I will answer;
I will be with them in trouble.
I will rescue and honor them.
16 I will reward them with a long life
and give them my salvation.”

BEing Vs DOing

I can’t stop thinking about the realization that I had recently. My realization has been that “God created me not to DO something but to BE someone”. It may be old news to you but for me, it’s changing everything inside of me. In reading through a couple of bible stories regarding two people named Martha and Mary, I’ve decided one thing. I am a Martha.

For most of my life I have served other people. I won’t deny I’m a doer, I have a hard time sitting still, resting or not being involved. And don’t get me wrong, I have a precious relationship with the Lord. However, it is very rare that I sit at the feet of our Savior and just listen. It is rare that I “BE STILL” and know that He is God.

The realization is changing me because the things that people DO are replaceable. And we’ve all heard or been taught that we as leaders at work or church or wherever, if we are good leaders will make ourselves replaceable. It makes it an easy transition if we leave or something happens, etc and it is important. But what I love about God and how he sees us is that WHO we are is not replaceable! What we do may be replaceable but who He made us to BE is not. He loves us so much that He took the time to make each one of us different, unique and special to Himself. Even as parents to children, we do not choose what our kids will be like or look like, but God—He did.

I love the example that Jesus gives in Luke 15, the parable of the lost sheep. He basically asked through a shepard’s point of view, “…if you had 100 sheep and one got lost, wouldn’t you leave the ninety-nine and go looking for it?”

He loves His creation: sinners and saints alike. Each one of us is so special to Him, so important that He’ll gently pursue us in hopes to bring us back to Himself. God cares about WHO we are… not that we were #100 in the group or that I baa-ed the loudest! I am important to Him. Me! …irreplaceable in God’s eyes...

All this love makes me want to be a better person, closer to Christ and out of all that I know that God will DO great things. And if so, I’d be honored to be His vessel.

I love Him because He first loved me.

Thank you, Lord and help me to take the time as Mary did to sit at Your feet.

OMG I'm Thirsty!!

It is very rare that I sweat. It's also very rare that I feel thirsty. It's weird, I know that now, but for so long I had no idea that it was a bad thing.

I was on my couch a few years ago, coupled with pain. I laid on the couch for about six months before any doctors or I could figure out what the heck was wrong with me. Yeah ok, so I know there is much wrong with me...but we'll save that for another time. ;) So anyway, one day I heard of this online holistic doctor and clinic. For a minute I thought what you are probably thinking right now...oh boy. But honestly, no one else could help me. I had every test, procedure and blood work done to no avail. So I called.

This doctor went through a list of questions for me. Many of them the typical background kind of questions. But then he asked me something that none of the other doctors had asked me. "Do you drink water?"

"No." No was my answer. He proceeded to tell me how much water my size body needed to drink EVERY SINGLE DAY. I was like, "What? You have got to be kidding me!?" I'm thinking, "I would drown if I drank that much water." This doctor couldn't believe that I hardly ever drank anything. I went on to tell him that I just don't feel thirsty. In my mind, why would I drink something if I wasn't thirsty? I didn't think about drinking water or much else and I didn't crave it so I guess I figured I didn't need it. APPARENTLY I was slightly uninformed.

My body was shutting down. I had been dehydrated for so long, my organs were now paying the price for the lack of water, the very thing I needed to sustain my life. The doctor told me something I will NEVER forget. He said, "You're body has become a desert. When you stopped giving yourself water it jumped into survival mode." We all know that deserts are for the most part, lifeless. There is very little alive and that which is alive is dry, prickle and colorless. I had deprived my body of water for so long, it survived as long as it could as a desert but as no relief came it began to shut down.

But, it wasn't too late for me, he said. Not if I made the initiative to fix the problem. The solution is quite easy. He went on to tell me that if I wanted to be healthy I needed to make my body feel thirsty. I had to condition it to desire water. In other words, I needed to drink to make my body realize it needed a drink. Once my body got used to having the water it needs (to flush out toxins and to hydrate the 90% of my body that is MADE of water), if I deprived it of water from then on...I would feel thirsty. Even if I'm not thirsty at first, I must make the effort. Imagine that! I could change the future of my health! I tried it and guess what?! Now, I get thirsty!

So today, when I was driving down the road in the ninety degree weather I thought, "OMG I'm thirsty!" It's something I'm grateful for, a signal to remind me to take care of myself.

This experience goes far more deep than that. Six months is a short amount of time compared to the many people who live their whole life on the couch. So many of us go along in life dying inside and not even knowing it. Not even realizing we need something. In Mark 6 the Bible says, "...late that night, the disciples were in their boat in the middle of the lake, and Jesus was alone on land. He saw that they were in serious trouble, rowing hard and struggling against the wind and waves. About three o'clock in the morning Jesus came toward them, walking on the water. He intended to go past them, but when they saw him walking on the water, they cried out ... But Jesus spoke to them at once. "Don't be afraid," he said. "Take courage! I am here!" Then he climbed into the boat, and the wind stopped."

You know the part that blows my mind?! "He intended to go past them." What?! Jesus was intending to leave them on their own even though they were in the midst of a serious storm! But you know, that is the God I know and love. He never pushes Himself on anyone. He never shouts, forces us to do anything, BIBLE THUMPS or puts on the guilt trip. No. He waits until we cry out. He waits until we want Him.

Our lives can so easily become deserts. If we, intentionally or unintentionally condition ourselves to live without God we will eventually not feel like we need or want Him anymore. And sometimes not even realize it! It's little by little. Soon we will not thirst for God nor the things of God. If we aren't the one that cries out to Him, He will pass on by. I don't know about you, but I want to feel thirsty. I want to drink God's water... and if I'm not getting enough, I need that signal that lets me know, I need to take care of myself. If you aren't thirsty it is my high recommendation that you seek God, our loving Creator. Drink Him up and pretty soon it will become apparent that you have no life without Him.

I am so angry!

I recently helped my girlfriend move her son back with her after he had been living with his dad for about a year. He wasn't living in the best conditions and some events has transpired that lead her to take action and bring him back to live with her. He was bummed because it's the end of the school year and he would have to come into a new school with one month left. We all know that it's a nerve racking and lonely place to be.

He has been in his new school for about a week and yesterday while he was at the park some kids were messin with him and took his bike. He obviously didn't want that to happen so he told them to give him his bike back. They decided he needed his butt kicked and the beating commenced. He didn't fight back, he just blocked as much as he could while he whaled on him. The black eye and cut up face showed that even with the blocking this kid got a beating. He is one of the nicest kids I've met.

Bullying makes me so angry. While I was Youth Director at my former church I ran across case after case of suicides and attempted suicides resulting from the bullying of other kids. Something needs to be done. I can't just listen to these stories and not get involved. Praying about the next step.