Six loads of laundry were sitting on my bedroom floor waiting for me to fold them and put them away while yet another two loads needed washed, dried and put away. I do not look forward to this task for laundry is my most dreaded chore.
What I thought was going to be a long drawn out and boring afternoon turned out to be quite in an intimate time with my God. The Holy Spirit decided to join me as I folded and put away my clothes. At one point I thought I was going to have to re-dry my clothes for the tears would not stop coming. I often cry when I spend time in the presence of God because I can't help feeling overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by His peace, grace, love and forgiveness.
As I sat and listened to my own thoughts I found myself regretting. I had read a CS Lewis quote today that said, "We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us." So true.
I am guilty.
I have a tendency to let my mind wander ...and from my experience I know that that is when I let Satan talk to me until my head full of whatever he wants. In this case it was regret, disappointment and discouragement. In all reality I believe this quote beckons us to come to what will truly and forever fulfill and satisfy us, but today I let myself wade in dismay. It only takes a little it seems to be brought down when I have let my guard down.
I knew I needed to counteract so I turned on a podcast of John Piper. He was preaching the Word of God just like I needed to hear. Straight up. I don't need a lot of padding and pampering. I prefer the truth in love minus the beating around the bush. So anyway, John is preaching how Christ came for the broken, the imperfect, the downcast and the lost...not the goody-two-shoes who have it all goin' on, with no problems at all, thinkin' they've got it all figured out.
I say hallelujah to that!
I am a saint, according to The Word, because Jesus Christ has wiped my slate clean. But that doesn't mean I don't come from a lifetime of sin and addictions and devastation. Because I do. And I have chosen the drink, the sex and ambition instead of the infinite joy that comes from Him and Him alone, in the past many times and even recently. There is a grieving my soul will go through when I purposefully choose to ignore what I know is right and decide to follow my own way, this is true. But as I sat in God's presence today He gently and lovingly reminded me that I need not be guilty, or regret. It is not His will for me to be disappointed, discouraged. His mercies are new every morning. Well, at any moment of repentance, as a matter of fact. God can use what we go through to help others or in someway that brings glory to His name. All I know is that I've tasted both sides of this world and I want the infinite joy of God more than anything!
Thank you Lord for helping me get through my laundry and ...well... my life.
Bits from Psalm 42
As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, my God. My soul thirsts for God, for the living God. When can I go and meet with God?
My tears have been my food day and night, while people say to me all day long,“Where is your God?”
Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God. My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you.
Deep calls to deep in the roar of your waterfalls; all your waves and breakers have swept over me. By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life.
Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God, for I will yet praise him, my Savior and my God.
